We Must Do Better

POV: The lady at the doctor’s office tells you to “calm down” your autistic son.

I drive by this doctor’s office almost daily. I will not soon forget this day, this moment, this woman’s face. She looked at me so angry, so annoyed at my precious son who was running in place and making happy noises because the room echoed.

I was very aware of the stares. I was even asking him to use his “inside voice” and “quiet feet.” I didn’t want to ask him to settle down. He was only 3 and was doing so good (I thought) at being patient while we waited to be called back.

The woman at the desk. I smiled at her. She didn’t smile back. She looked at us disgusted. I said “he’s so excited to be here!” trying to break the ice. She responded, “well he’s going to need to calm down or wait outside.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. My face was hot as fire. And I picked up my little boy and started quietly singing the wheels on the bus as I fought back tears.

We were called back minutes later. As we checked out with the same lady at the end of the appointment, I whispered to her, “he has autism.” She said, “sorry” and I responded, “I’m not.” And I walked away kissing his cheeks and telling him how proud I was of how he did during the visit.

Why did I not tell her to begin with that he was autistic? I didn’t feel I should have to. Why didn’t I say it loud and proud as I left? I was afraid of being judged.

Now, 3 years later… I think back on this day. Oh, I would do things so differently. I’d explain to her how her comment was ignorant and educate her on why he was acting the way he was. I wouldn’t shy away or whisper.

But the thing is, we need to do better. Doctor’s offices need to do better. That woman needs to do better. The waiting room full of staring eyes needs to do better. And society as a whole needs to DO BETTER. Period.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “that child needs to calm down” you should take a minute and realize that it may not be that easy. That parent may not be horrible at disciplining. That child may not be poorly behaved. There may be more to the story than what meets the eye and you need to understand that. And I, for one, would really appreciate it.