Channing’s Love

Something that has always been really hard for me is that my son does not express his love the way I had always imagined he would.  He doesn’t give hugs, or say “I love you.”  He sometimes pushes me away or gives me an elbow to the face when I come in too close.  Up until about 6 months ago, he wouldn’t even give us kisses.  The most affection we could get was grabbing him as he ran by and kissing his head or a cheek if we were lucky.  On his second birthday, he randomly gave me a kiss and it was everything I needed to get me through a rough few months.  But the kisses didn’t continue. 

I used to pray every night that he would one day give me a bear hug and a kiss.  Finally, after almost 3 years, he leaned in one day and laid a kiss on me so sweet that I could have died a happy mama right then and there.  Now, every day, I ask him SEVERAL times a day for a kiss and never take a single one of them for granted.  He even occasionally gives strangers kisses.  But, that’s where his affection stops.  Which is funny, because you’d think a kiss would be the last thing he would want to give.  

He’s big for his age, so most people think he is 4 or 5 when they see him.  Which can sometimes make our challenges even harder.  Strangers will ask him “what’s your name” or “give me a high five” and a lot of times he won’t even look up or make eye contact with them.  I don’t want people to think he is trying to intentionally ignore them, or be rude.  He is the sweetest dude when you get to know him… but he doesn’t yet willingly interact with people, unless it’s on HIS terms.

I feel pretty silly because I always respond for Channing and say, “Can you tell them your name is Channing” or “Say hi, Channing!” knowing he doesn’t yet talk.  I even take his hand and wave for him… just hoping that seeing the interaction will help.  But I want people to know he isn’t trying to be rude.  When you lean in to give him a hug and he shoves an elbow in your face, he’s not trying to be ugly.  When your son or daughter hands him something and he turns away or ignores their gesture, I promise he has not been taught that that’s how we treat our friends.  It’s just that he doesn’t have any other way to express his feelings and we are constantly working on our social interactions.  It may even be because he doesn’t feel comfortable being that close to others, but until he can communicate that to us, we just have to follow his lead. 

It’s weird because while we see him push people’s hands away, he can also be so cuddly that we know he doesn’t completely hate physical touch.  We are just learning how he best wants to show his love and most of the time that’s by jumping, riding, or running (followed by a kiss!).   We have to respect him and his feelings, even if he is still trying to figure out how to express them.  So when I have been gone for a day or two, or just want to love all over him, I do it on his terms.  Which normally means I throw him in the air (while I still can), chase him around the house, and jump up and down with him.  While I’d love to shower him in hugs and kisses (and sometimes I still try to!), I want to show love the way he wants to love.  And no one ever said there was just one right way to love, did they?  Until he can tell us if physical touch is painful, uncomfortable, or he’d rather just give a kiss (oh man, I’m in trouble)… then I will love him however he will let me. 

Once again, Channing has taught us how to live and love in a completely different way than we ever imagined… and it’s beautiful.  I pray the world can follow suit and see the beauty and the uniqueness that is there rather than looking for the negativity.  Let’s all just do our best not to judge or immediately think someone is trying to be “rude” when they respond in a way that isn’t what you anticipated.  We will ALWAYS teach Channing that kindness and love for others is of the utmost importance.  And I hope if someone is not outwardly showing you affection the way you imagined they would, that you trust that they might just love in another way, and that’s okay.